I've realized after posting a few times that my life is very boring. I do take some fun trips, but 90% of the time its the same thing, day in and day out. Work, JC's, cleaning, cooking, laundry. That's about it.

I did actually make an appointment with another dr. for next week. Trying to figure out if I can get my female problems taken care of. I'm praying a hysterectomy is not the end result. I don't know how I've made it to 36 years old and never had surgery or been put under of even have an IV for that matter, but I hate to break my record. Plus i'm terrified! We'll see what she says next Thursday.

Well, Catherines in Madison had nothing, completely nothing. No capri's in the 17 inch, no spring jackets, nothing. I couldn't believe it. I guess i'll just have to order online what I want and then take it to the store to return it if it doesn't work out. I hate paying that return shipping on stuff that doesn't fit.

We went to both Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. We got a few things. Dh & I both thought they were a little pricey, especially Whole Foods. We've been to other's before and they've always been expensive. We didn't buy much at WH, but spent about $60 at TJ's. I'm having almond butter for the first time with flax seed in it. It definitely has a different taste. I was a little surprised about the amount of processed food. I guess I was thinking it would mainly be fresh stuff, but it wasn't. Just like a regular grocery store, but with organic processed food instead. I doubt we'd drive back up just for that.

The one good thing i did find was sweet potato fries at both WF and TJ's. Where I live, no one sells them. So I grabbed three bags of them. Although Dh says to me on the way home, couldn't you just buy sweet potatoes and cut them up? Ahh.. yeah, I could, and probably should. I will after these bags are gone.

Friday night and I'm exhausted. We went out and celebrated my nephew's 21st birthday tonight. Dinner first and then off to the casino. I promptly lost $50 playing blackjack. Dh thankfully only lost $13 so the damage wasn't as bad as it could be.

We have 3 appointments tomorrow and then Sunday we are off to Catherines, Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. Can't wait! I have a whole list of things I want at Catherines and TJ's. Just a couple of things at Whole Foods. We'll need to see how big the store is.

Food today wasn't that great, taste wise and healthiness wise.

I just realized this morning that I hadn't written anything yesterday. Not to much has been happening with us. Just work, work, work. This is the busy time of year for us and will be busy now through November or so. December & January are our slow time. Maybe I should plan a vacation for next January. The only problem is my DH hates to fly, so we always end up driving and he hates driving if the weather is bad. January in Iowa almost always equals bad weather.

Well, we are going ahead with the fence. The 3/4 acre back yard we have will be completely fenced in, in a couple of weeks. I'm so excited. It will be nice to let the dogs out the backyard and not have to worry about them leaving the yard at all. It will be 5 feet high, so I don't think Buff will be tempted to try to jump out. It will also keep the neighborhood kids out of our yard. It's not that I dislike kids, I just don't like them. Just kidding! I just don't like them taunting our dogs and trying to get them out of the yard. We also ordered the windows for our back porch. We are well on the way to having our little sun porch back there. I need to find a comfy chair to put out there. I haven't liked anything I've found at Menard's so now I need to branch out and look other places.

I did make a decision this morning. I'm no longer ordering clothes online. Catherines is about the only store that has clothing in my size that I think has good quality. I've ordered from several different places online and while the shirts usually fit, sometimes the fabric is goofy. Good example would be the 4 t-shirts I ordered and tried on last night. If the 5, I only kept three. They were all exactly the same size and brand, just different colors. But two of them were a funky material so they got returned. With pants, no matter how much I go by their size charts, they never fit. So no more ordering online. I will just have to make the trip to Davenport every time I need clothes. I'm trying to figure out when DH & I will be able to go. I need a few things for spring and a new spring jacket.

I have FOLLOWERS! OMG!

Ok, so tonight i'm feeling like a complete and total failure. Why is it that I can be an intelligent 36 year old woman with a great husband, a successful business, the ability to travel when I want, debt free and very happy with my life other than the feeling that i'm not supposed to weigh this much!! Why is my weight the one thing I can't overcome??

I cannot stick to low carb eating for the life of me. I can do most anything else in life, but not that. I can convince people to spend multiple thousands of dollars on the products we sell, I can plan great vacations, I have excelled at every volunteer position I've ever held, even winning awards, but I can't freaking stick to a diet and lose weight. And I hate the fact that it's such a big deal and that I feel like such a failure for it.

On a good note, I did book all the hotels for my May trip to NC & SC. I'm so looking forward to it. Now I need to figure out what were going to do for the 2.5 days we'll be in Raleigh. I know my friend Jen won't be able to spend the whole time with us, but i'm sure mom and I will find plenty to do. I'm also excited to spend a day at the Biltmore Estate. I downloaded a bunch of podcasts that talk about it. I figure we will listen to them on the way down while were driving.

DH & I went to a friends house for dinner last night. She made pasta with sauce, garlic cheese bread and peach cobbler with ice cream. CARBS! I couldn't believe it.

Better this morning. Breakfast was carrots and dip, cheese & salami. Part of the problem is i'm already getting bored of what to eat. I also hate having to plan our meals out. I also hate being fat, so I guess that's the trade off.

While we were gone last night, our two labs ripped apart one of DH's flannel shirts. He left it on the couch which is partially his fault, but definitely were upset with them. We can't have any blankets or towels in the living room now because they will destroy them while were gone.

List of reasons I must stay on low carb.

1. Keep my blood sugar low.

2. Need the energy.

3. Feel so much better when i'm not eating sugar/flour.

4. Lose weight.

5. Skin is clearer.

6. Joints move easier.

7. Less moody.

8. Get my monthly cycle back in order.

That's all I can come up with right now. I'm sure i'll have more later.

Weight today, 362.2. 3 pounds lost. Not a lot for the first week of low carb, but considering I spent 2 days making bad choices, i'm good with it. As long as it's less than the week before, that's all I care. In fact, when I did low carb the first time, I used to do a little chant every time I got on the scale. "Same or less, same or less". I know, weird, but it seemed to work for me.

Well, this is the start of the work week. I had tons of energy last night, not as much this morning. In fact I went to sleep atleast an hour after my normal bed time. Dh brought my new nightstand upstairs so I spent some time getting that in place and everything put away. So nice to have drawers to hide stuff in now. I've been trying to clean up the bedroom little by little. It's not dirty, just have stuff stacked on the dressers that could be put away. I figure if I put something away each time I'm up there, eventually it will get done.

DH has finally agreed with me that we need to move the laundry out of the basement. Were thinking of bringing it up to the second floor bathroom. I really think it will be great up there and so much better than dragging all the clothes down two flights of stairs and then back up two flights of stairs. Much easier for me.

Breakfast this morning was egg salad. Dh is so funny. He doesn't want to do low carb, but after I ate my breakfast this morning he looked all sad. He was like next time you make egg salad can you make enough so I can have some too. Easy peasy of course I can!

I'm finally back on track, thank goodness. I hate being off plan just as much as I hate being off plan, ya know. We didn't get any grocery shopping in as Dh & I were exhausted after going to Menards, the mall for shoes for DH, eating lunch and going to Sams. We had planned to go to Aldi after Sams, but decided I'd make a list and Dh could go later in the week.

We ended up eating Bishop's for lunch, which I'm not really fond of, but DH likes. They did have some low carb choices. I had roast beef with mushrooms, half a piece of baked chicken, some green beans, a couple of pieces of broccoli and a piece of some sugar free strawberry fluffy pie type stuff. I didn't eat the crust. I was stuffed. Dinner is make your own tonight so I think i'll be having a leftover cheeseburger and some sweet potato fries. Breakfast was 2 eggs fried and bacon. I hate to list out everything I eat, but the first time I did lowcarb, I didn't record it anywhere and I'd really love to have that information now! So this time i'm putting it all out there.

Well, I did better yesterday than I could have, but worse than I needed to. I now know when I travel, I definitely need to bring food to go. Gas stations/convenience stores have very little to offer without sugar or flour and neither do fast food restaurants. Back on track today.

It definitely is a fight in my brain everyday. I want to eat things with sugar and flour.. Like desperately. But I know I can't as that just leads me to eating more of them and then I become uncontrollable! My cravings have gone down somewhat for sugary things. I still think about them occasionally. I need to hit the grocery store and stock up on quick foods I can grab from the fridge to eat. I've not been very good at planning.

Well, it's saturday morning here and we had more snow. Irritating after 60 degree temps all week. The dogs were happy to run around in it this morning. The dermatologist vet was disappointed to see that Sam still has the urge to chew on his legs yesterday. I think he's going to have to wear the cone indefinitely now. She tested his thyroid while we were there, results should come next week. He's on a different food now and some new allergy medicine. We are doing a 3 month trial of both, we'll see how it goes.

Well, were off to appointments for work so i'll write more later!

Day 3.. Tired, tired, tired! Did I mention I was tired? Last night I was ready to fall asleep at 8:00. I managed to stay up till 8:30, but then I headed to bed. I finished watching a show in bed and fell asleep shortly after 9:00. When DH came up at 11:00 to go to bed, I felt like I'd already slept half the night.

Were getting ready to take our Pomeranian to the vet Dermatologist tomorrow. 3 1/2 hour ride one way. Were taking both of the labs with us since we really don't have a reliable person to let them out during the day for us. They will enjoy the ride. We are also stopping to pick up the night stands we ordered last August! We ordered them from someone in the Amish community about an hour from here. He also made our bed and dressers so now we will have a complete matching set. Can't believe it took him this long to get them done, but he said he was really backed up when we ordered them. When we stopped a month ago to check on them, DH went ahead and ordered the three bookshelves for his office. We don't anticipate having those until probably August.

I'm still running to the bathroom a lot so I must have been really carbed up when I started. I did buy some Wasa crackers yesterday simply because I need something crunchy for dips. Other than that, no sugar, no white flour. Doing well.. I'm just waiting for the energy to kick in, I need it!

Day 2.. So far.. so good.

I'm a little jittery today and I know that's the lack of sugar. I had fruit with my breakfast and so I feel just a little bit hungry still. I know I'm not as I had enough food that I should be satisfied. I think fruit might have to move to a night time snack only. I'll weigh on Monday as that's the day I go to the chiro so I usually use it as a weigh in day.

Yesterday afternoon after an appointment, my DH (husband) and I stopped at a place that sells RV's/Campers. We've been toying with the idea of getting a travel trailer to pull behind our vehicle to use for camping and trips. After talking to the salesman for 45 minutes and getting all of our questions answered, along with the previous research we had done, we've decided it's just not a good fit for us right now. Someday. I think both of us are scared at the thought of pulling it behind our Durango. We also figured out how many hotel rooms we could pay for instead of buying a camper. It's a lot. So we'll wait.

Day 1.. No sugar or flour today. I was a bit crabby this afternoon, but I did get over it. Weight this morning was 365.2.

I'm not doing a true lowcarb, Atkins type diet. I'm just not eating sugar or flour. Sugar is truly evil and addicting!

So I've been thinking for quite awhile about going back to the low carb lifestyle. I did it successfully 6 years ago. I spent a little over a year losing 115 pounds, 1 year maintaining it, 2 years gaining it back. I'm currently less than 10 pounds from my highest weight and it's gotten to the point that I need to do something about it. So this is where i'm at.

I read a lot of blogs, both about weight loss and about staying fat and being happy with who you are. I understand both points of few, however, being fat, i'm not happy with who I am. I'm not happy with the fact that it's getting hard to find clothes. I'm not happy with the fact that my knees are starting to hurt. I'm also not happy with the fact that when I sit for an extended period of time, I can hardly move when I get up. Something needs to change.

While thinking about this, I realized that if my house had gotten in this bad of shape, I'd do everything I could to fix it up. If one of my dogs or my husband was having problems, I would do everything I could to help them, why not help me? I don't understand why my feelings and needs always seem to come in last in my life. So i'm going to learn to put myself first. I've done it before, I can do it again. When I lost weight last time, I found a shirt that said "It's all about me". It had never been all about me before and as soon as it no longer became all about me, I started gaining the weight back. So i'll be digging out my t-shirt again tonight.

I've been debating for awhile about starting a blog. What stopped me most of the time was coming up with a name. So many blogs are just about one thing. I wanted to blog about my entire life. So there it is, My Life - The Diary.